102 days down the drain
I’d love to go to sleep tonight and die in my sleep. That would be so fucking nice I swear to god please let it happen.
Honestly I don’t understand why things start looking up and then something shitty happens and I’m right back where i started, being fucking depressed and shit. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Someone I was in a psychiatric hospital with this time last year committed suicide a couple days. I’ll be honest with you I feel pretty numb. I loved this person at one point or what I thought was love. He made my stay at the hospital not so unbearable and even after I was still there and he got out, he still called me every day to check on me.
He turned into a jerk after I got out, and turned back to the drugs he was addicted to previously but I still cared deeply about him. We slept together back in november and that was the last time I saw him in person.
He texted me a few days ago to make sure I was happy and safe and tell me he was proud of me.
I got a call from someone he knew, a family memeber or something idk they weren’t specific but they told me that he killed him self, that I was in his phone contacts, and they wanted me to know.
So I don’t really feel anything right now. I cried all yesterday and then was angry all last night but today I just don’t feel a thing.
So! Things are looking up. I told my family about being sexually assaulted and I’m getting professional help for it. Medication to help with anxiety and such.
Also! Boy #2 is officially and publically my boyfriend!! We had a long talk and figured all our shit out, and we’ve been together almost a month.
In other news my entire city is under flood waters Bc of Hurricane Harvey so that’s but a big damper on things like school and finding a job.
Otherwise, I’m really happy c:
Being depressed is drinking an 8oz bottle of Gatorade and calling it breakfast,lunch, and dinner.
I got a message today that freaked me out and I always wonder how people get my number but like (????) how do they do it. I don’t even know. I always think people are out to get me and maybe I’m right. Keep yourselves safe. I love you all please be careful.