Privilege

I’ve always been a semi-privileged person. I have a loving family, a roof over my head, plenty of wonderful belongings, a place to lay my head at night, and supportive friends. When I came out as bisexual at the end of my sophomore year of high school, almost no negativity was shown from my close friends and family that I initially came out to. There was no hardship for me. My parents were liberal and supportive, my friends were excited to see this new side of me, and I was happy to be able to not have this secret anymore.

Recently, my best friend’s dad found out I was bisexual and told her she couldn’t hang out with me any longer. When she told me, I felt my heart drop into my stomach and the weight of the world seemed to crash down on my perfect bisexual universe. As my good friend, who is gay, once told me, “The first one will always hurt the most.” And it does. My best friend said she’d try hard to get around it, but this evening, her dad denied her when she asked if she could see a concert with me tomorrow night. (we’ve had tickets for months).

What I’ve come to realize is that she might not ever be able to get around it. I feel that one day it’ll come down to her dad or me and I won’t let her walk out on her family. I know she’ll choose him, which is okay, and I’ve accepted that.

It hurts me so much because its a pain I’ve never felt. I don’t know what its like to not be liked for something as trivial as sexual orientation. It saddens me that it is 2017 and I’m not allowed to see someone because of my preferences. I don’t like her in that way. It is not like I am trying to turn her gay, not that that’s even how it works. I know at this point I’m rambling. I’m just upset.

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